This past weekend is on my mind today. There are certain realizations that came about in my telephone conversation with a friend last Friday night. I am thankful that he called back at the precise moment that he did. I really needed to hear the voice of someone I believe knows me, who prays, and who I find trustworthy in Christ. I told You too, Abba. I told You that I needed to hear the voice of a friend. Thank You.
One of the things I am thinking about from the telephone conversation is the realization I had about how much I still hold onto cares that become negative feelings–feelings that I need to let go and talk to You about in order to receive truth in those areas. I realized that I still have trust issues with You–about Your timing being perfect for me too. I realized that I still check out and shut down more than I thought. I realized that there are still residuals from past traumas, Abba.
Before my friend called back You told me to talk to You. I kept trying to push You away, to avoid talking to You, but You persisted lovingly. I started to shout and ask if You wanted me to talk about this care and this other one. I sobbed and You said, “Yes. Yes, I want you to tell Me.”
You are patient and kind, Abba.
Sharing all of those cares with You unlatched a floodgate and by the time my friend had called back I was unpacking all sorts of feelings I had pushed down to deal with at some later date. He is patient and kind like You, Abba.
Self-centered attitudes can look differently, but they always result in grief. The expectations other people, and myself, have of me–whether they were my speculations or their confirmations–became louder in my head than Your voice in my heart. I am thankful You lead me out of the valley of self-centered thinking. I am thankful for the mind of Christ and Your Holy Spirit who leads me into all truth and shows me things to come. I am thankful that Your greatest expectation of me, if I can even call it an expectation, is that I trust You, more and more; that I rest in You, more and more; that I draw from Your love for me, more and more. Being able to do so has everything to do with who Jesus is, being in Him, and one with Him and You. I am thankful for Your faithfulness Abba.
Great is thy faithfulness, Abba.
Your joyful daughter,